Subscribe and Listen on Your Favorite App
Have you had the experience of having to go to work immediately following a horrible argument with your significant other?
How about having to learn that your significant other wants to end the relationship just as you are walking into an important meeting?
In these instances, wouldn't it be nice to have a direct line to your coach who can help you get focused when the stakes are high and taking the day off of work is not an option?
Something I have found to be true in my 10 + years of coaching high-achieving professionals is that in most cases, the focus of our time together often expands into matters related to their personal life.
Matters related to health, finances, spirituality and relationships. Relationships with a significant other, family members or friends.
A Harvard Business reviews study of executive coaches revealed that 76% of coaches said that they have assisted their executive clients with personal issues. Suggesting, yes, this is fairly common!
And, you may be wondering……. what makes this important for you?
Well, pretty plain and simple, high-achievers like you …. need love too!
In general, it works like this, the client wants to advance their career and fulfill their executive ambitions. They hire me to help them, for example, they may want to be more effective at leading their team and increase team engagement. And, over time, they may decide to pivot the focus of their coaching as they are struggling with thoughts and emotions tied to a personal relationship gone wrong making it really hard for them to focus on their workplace goals.
This is why I believe that by sharing the unvarnished truth of Lexx’s personal experience, you may find value in learning how she got to the other side of that devastating time and is now- bolder and stronger and pushing forward in creating her best life.
In today’s episode of Tuesday’s with Coach Mo, I’m speaking with a dynamic young professional, Lexx Mills, who, in addition to being in process of pursuing a dual Master’s degree in Business and Urban and Regional Planning, has recently started building an online community focused on all things related to healthy relationships, healthy breakups and everything in between.
03:50 Q: What was your experience or outlook on relationships at that point?
A: One thing that’s important to note is that I entered into this very serious relationship when I was 23 and this relationship ended up lasting for 5 years. But before that, I had never been in a serious relationship whatsoever.
05:44 Q: How did you know this relationship was meaning something different?
A: So, from the very start of our relationship, we were dating with the intent to marry. That was always the vision, literally from the night that I asked him to be my boyfriend, he asked if I could see myself marrying him and I absolutely did. This relationship grew me more than anything else I had experienced in my life to this point. And along with teaching elementary school, absolutely the hardest thing I have ever done. So, to sum it up, that relationship was definitely growing up. It was a beautiful struggle and learning who I am as a partner, how do I share my life with someone, who am I and who do I want to be.
13:03 Q: How were you thinking about your profession? Where were you thinking professionally at that time?
A: Education has been such a powerful force in my life and thought that it would really be a great public service career for me to go to but I had the ultimate intention of going into education policy. I was back in the space where I was succeeding at work and doing really, really well and learning and feeling really, really good. I’m getting affirmed, I am doing these things that I love. And I am coming home often and I am not feeling affirmed. I don’t feel like I am doing well.
15:36 Q: What informed you of that?
A: As beautiful as our relationship was, it was such a struggle. It was so much harder than it should have been. So there’s a lot that was going on that made it very tough and made me feel like, yeah. I was just wasn’t doing enough.
18:57 Q: Let’s pivot now to the journey you have found yourself on as a result of that relationship and the unfortunate fact that it did end. When you think about the 41 interviews, that you conducted with individuals about break ups, what was the most significant thing that stood out for you in these interviews?
A: I had a truly diverse set of interview subjects. People ignoring the red flags early on that signaled that this is not the right partner for them and people feeling like they had stayed in relationships that didn’t work, longer than they should have.
21:22 Q: What are some of those flags?
A: One of them is trying to change someone or allowing yourself to be changed to fit to relationship and the other person.
22:44 Q: what do you think people should do to replace that desire to change someone? What should they do instead?
A: There’s this quote that I really love. I posted it on RevelWell Instagram recently. And it was something like “Wait for the one, but do not wait for someone to be the one.” If you know that there’s something happening with this person that go against your core values and your core vision for what you want for yourself, for your relationship and for your life, you honestly have to make the very difficult choice to walk away.
24:43 Q: how has this relationship experience kind of shaped your views and that which you will bring to future relationships.
A: Looking back on my relationship, I didn’t realize the ways in which I have lost myself. In trying to be what I thought was a good partner to him, I limited the space for me to really show up as my best self. because I am single and I am not trying to be something for someone else, there’s this new found sense of really beautiful freedom that I am experiencing right now.
31:10 Q: As you’re pouring yourself into discovery now, what’s your purpose for blogging?
A: I wanted so badly to have other people to talk to who are also struggling in their relationships. I felt that we weren’t really talking about what was real. We weren’t talking about what are our challenges were and how we can do better. I wanted a place where we could be honest about mistakes that we’ve made and will make and what we’re learning. I wanted to create an online platform centered on love, relationships and break ups. I’m striving to build an engaging community in which we will have more honest and courageous dialogue about the real struggles that we all go through, how can we do better and support and learn from one another along the way.
36:47 Q: What are the life lessons for you in this journey?
A: I cannot lose anything that is mine by divine right. You can both mourn your lose and be happy and grateful for all that lies ahead of you because it is so far greater than what is behind you. And that’s what I take away from this experience.
As you listened to Lexx’s story, what resonated most with you? DM me on Instagram @tuesdayswithcoachmo!
Coach Mo Knows (a tip, a coaching question, and a bit of inspiration)
Connect with Lexx Mills.
Hold in your mind a picture of one person that you have a relationship with that you really want the path of that relationship to change,
“When you stand and share your story in an empowering way, your story will heal you and your story will heal somebody else.” ~ Iyanla Vanzant